GFPD:BHB
by Ichiakago
Summary: GFPD:BHB Galactic Federation Police Department: Bounty Hunter Branch, one of the best hunters in the galaxy is after his partner's father, but is his ex-wife going to screw things up, or drag him to the pits of hell?


A tall blond glanced up at the twin suns overhead while were bared their fiery fangs down on the desert sand. He sighed and leaned back in the hard bench, draping an arm behind the worn metal. He pushed his round, orange, silver rimmed sunglasses with "W's" on the sides up his nose with his middle finger, glancing around the depot with emerald green eyes. He crossed a brown leather-covered leg over his other leg, resting his foot on the knee-guard.

Bounty hunters of all shapes and sizes criss-crossed the blond's vision as sea foam green holoscreens popped up in his sight. The holosceens identified the bounty hunters and gave information on them as the blond quickly scanned them for anything, unusual. What that was, he didn't have a clue. The blond looked at each person that came through the depot, holoscreens keeping up with his rapid eye movements. Nothing unusual came up on anyone, not even the most ugliest of the bounty hunters had anything bad in their record.

The blond grimaced at some of the mugs, unable to hide his disgust. He got some sneers from some of the bounty hunters, some birds, and a few who were close spat at his feet. The blond simply gave stony looks at the ones who dared to spit at him, pushing a flap of his red duster-styled trench coat out of the way to reveal a badge hanging from his waist at his left hip.

Watching the bounty hunters' reactions was priceless to the blond. He smirked as the eyes widened and the hunters bolted away. The blond chuckled and locked his fingers behind his head, glancing around. An urgent message popped up and the blond frowned at reading it. It wasn't bad news, but it wasn't exactly good either.

The message basically said that the blond was getting a new partner, a rookie. Even worse was the fact she was a slummer. It was very unusual for slummers to get into the Galactic Federation Police Department, or GFPD, let alone the Bounty Hunter Branch, or BHB for short. The blond sighed heavily, knowing that he was going to have to teach the slummer the ropes of being a member of the GFPD: BHB.

There was a file attached and the blond opened it. He froze at the image of his new partner, memories flooded back.

The flame red hair, those ice blue eyes. That beautiful face, carved from marble by angels.

"Amelia," he whispered.

She wasn't smiling in the photo, and her eyes were icy. The blond closed the file and pinched the bridge of his nose. This was starting to get complicated. Amelia was so much younger than him, by about five thousand five hundred forty-two years. She was only one hundred ninety-four years old and he had an affair with her back when he was with his ex-wife. Not good.

The deep baritone roar of the sand steamer echoed in the city of November as the blond looked up. The sand steamer pulled up to the depot and the blond grabbed his bag. He headed to the sand steamer and boarded the massive metal behemoth, not before handing his ticket to the ticket collector. He went up the multitude of decks to the top under the tarps and bought a piece of thomas meat from a very nice lady named Lilly. He headed behind a stack of suitcases and began peeling the incredibly hard object with a his combat knife, a massive sixteen inches with a curved tip.

The blond's head snapped up as he received a ping from his ex-wife. It was one very nasty ping.

Vash,

I hope you are reading this you fucking bastard. You are seriously working with that slut? I hope you go to fucking hell for this. You honestly think I wouldn't find out about this? For Christ's sake, I am the lead bounty hunter! I know everything that happens in the department! Did you think I would not give a flying fuck about this! You fucking pussy! Die you fucking heart breaker!

~Your ex-wife

Vash sighed and ran a hand through his hair. His ex-wife was pissed at him and he couldn't blame her.

He took a glance behind him to see a couple of thugs playing poker really badly. He smirked at how badly they were playing as well as the ugly mugs they had. He dubbed them Niveus and Niger, meaning white and black, respectively. Niveus folded and Niger grabbed the pot, laughing. Vash leaned back on the pieces of luggage and closed his eyes. He slipped into a semi-conscious state as he probed the minds of the passengers around him, searching for, something.

He found a mind that he couldn't access just by slipping by. He focused on it and gently probed into it.

{Vash? Is that you?}

The Humanoid Typhoon let a smile slip past his lips as he felt the mind brush against his, yearning for contact.

{Hello Amelia. How are you?}  
{I'm good. You?}

{I'm good too.}

{So, how's the ex-wife?}

{Still hating my guts. How's the boyfriend?}

{Meh. Found out about our affair and dumped me on my head. He was my ticket to Earth3, so when he found out about us, he cut me off from his money and I made it to Earth0 on my own.}

{That's why you're a slummer?}

{Yep.}

{Oh?}

{Oh what?}

{Nothing…}

"…Am I right brother?" Niveus asked.

The person in question didn't respond and Vash made a bet it was Amelia, even though he couldn't see what was going on.

"Are you a chick?" Asked Niveus in disbelief. "Hey, let me see your face for a sec-"

The woman in question swung her arm back, deflecting Niveus' grabby hand.

"Don't touch," was all she said.

Her hat fell off her head and her flame red hair fell out, cascading down around her shoulders and at the bottom of her shapely rear. Her ice blue eyes were harder than steel as they bore into the two bounty hunters.

"Oh! I found a little birdie in this dingy place!" Niveus cried, attracting the attention of the other bounty hunters. "Traveling alone? You hungry?"

"Move!" Niger growled. "Come here lady!"

Niger tried to get in front of him and Niveus growled.

"Hey I found her first!" Niveus snarled. "So whadda say you travel with me princess? I can be one rockin' good time!

"Whoa, that's one fine looker," commented Cornicem, or Crow, coming over to look at the fire-haired beauty.

"Don't touch me," the redhead said. "Don't even try."

"Sound's like a challenge," Niger replied, smirking.

Niger stretched his hand out to cup the woman's cheek, and got a faceful of boot for it. Cornicem laughed at Niger, as did every other bounty hunter in earshot.

"Wow, it sucks to be you! She hates you!" Cornicem, well, crowed.

The woman stood up and sighed. She closed her eyes, then opened them, speaking.

"Didn't you hear me when I said, 'Don't touch me?'" She asked. "You're acting like you've never seen a woman before. You guys like, virgins or what?"

Vash sat up and glanced over at the woman. She was stunning and very beautiful to look at. Vash rolled his eyes and watched the three other bounty hunters try to woo her.

"You got a lot of spunk in you lady," Niveus laughed. "I like that in my women. I fact in makes what I had in mind that much more interesting. See, cuz when I force you to do what I want you-"

The woman kicked him in the nuts, causing the white bounty hunter to drop his knife. He fell to the ground, clutching his family jewels.

"Whipping out your knife on this ship is just bad manners," the red head said.

"Move it!" growled Niger.

He shoved Cornicem out of the way, making a lunge for the woman.

"It's too late to apologize you bitch!" he yelled.

The woman side-stepped him and kicked him in the ass. Niger stumbled forward and regained his balance as Cornicem laughed.

"She kicked him twice!" the crow-like bounty hunter laughed.

Niger punched Cornicem in the face before turning to the woman.

"Don't you screw with me!" he snarled.

"I'll kick you some more if you want," was the woman's snap reply.

"Not before I shut your mouth," Niger growled.

The woman's feet were pulled out from under her by Niveus, causing her to land on her back, hard. The smirk Niveus had on his face disappeared as the woman kicked him in the stomach, making him gasp in pain.

"Your legs got a bad habit of kicking," was Niveus' snark reply.

"Nice, now get her shoulders and pin her down," Niger said, smirking.

"Got it."

Niveus moved to behind the woman's shoulders as she glanced back and forth between the two grinning bounty hunters. Vash rolled his eyes again and stood up, brushing the dust off his duster. He turned to the bounty hunters and whistled loudly, causing their heads to snap towards him.

"I suggest you stop harassing that woman before I cuff you to the railing," Vash spoke calmly, voice low with a dangerous undertone.

"Go ahead and try," Niger taunted, turning to face Vash.

Niveus turned to face Vash as well as the woman slipped away from the two bounty hunters. She backed away and hid near Lilly, the thomas and sausage vendor. Vash glanced between the two bounty hunters as they circled him. Niger made a lunge at Vash, but the Humanoid Typhoon quickly lowered his body to the ground, causing Niger to go over top of him. Vash swung a leg out, knocking Niveus' legs out from under him. He bolted upright and rammed his knee into the falling face of the white bounty hunter.

Niger wrapped his arms around Vash's waist and pinned his arms to his sides. He hoisted Vash off his feet and held him in the air. Vash snapped his head back, smashing Niger's nasal bone and temporally blinding him. Vash dropped his center of gravity and threw the black bounty hunter into a pile of luggage. Vash stood up and fixed his duster, straightening the flaps.

Niveus snuck up behind Vash, but Vash spun around and kicked the white thug in the nuts. He dropped and Vash pulled out a pair of cuffs.

"You are under arrest by the order the Galactic Federation Police Department," Vash announced, slapping one cuff on Niveus' wrist and the other to a metal pole that supported the tarp over head.

"For what!" Niveus shouted.

"Sexually harassing my partner," Vash growled.

Vash stood up and pushed his glasses up with his middle finger. Niger snuck up behind the blond and delivered a punch directly into the small of his back. Vash made a weird strangled cry and fell, not moving. Niger smirked and slammed his foot into Vash's back. He pulled out his gun and aimed it at Vash's head.

"Bye bye," Niger sneered.

Suddenly, a very heavy object slammed into his back and sent him flying forward. He skidded on his face and very nearly slid off the sand steamer. Niger got off his face and spun around, aiming his gun. The woman stood up and rested her hand on her hip.

"You bitch!" Niger screamed.

"Cine eşti tu de asteptare o tarfa, nenorocitule? Du-te înapoi la pizda mamei tale!" the woman yelled back. (Romanian)

She lunged forward, tackling the bounty hunter to the ground. She ripped the gun out of his hand and tossed it out of his and Niveus' reach. She flipped Niger on his back and pinned an arm behind him. She delivered a chop to the back of his neck, rendering him unconscious. The redhead pulled out a pair of cuffs and dragged the bounty hunter to the metal pole across from the other cuffed bounty hunter. She quickly knelt next to Vash and rolled him over to his back.

Vash's eyes were opened and his lips were parted slightly. His chest was not rising and falling and his eyes were dull. The woman pulled her fist back and punched the blond in the stomach. Vash bolted upright, sucking in air, gasping.

"Lorem Amelia. Proin scelerisque salvus vitae, odio."

(Thank you Amelia. You've saved my life, again.)


End file.
